A little fact about me… im a freak magnet!
No seriously. My friends told me this. They say they never encounter strange things or see strange people unless they are with me. I do not know why.
So yesterday, after posting about my worst lunch experience ever, i remembered this birthday party… it is one freaky one as well…
So lets get back in time … hmmmm … about 14-16 years back… mid 1990′s
Mid teenage years… you know that age when u are pimply with frizzy hair and can’t find clothes that suit you cause you are not a child and not a full grown lady and there was no such thing as teenage clothing?
Ayam il thanawya y3ni…
Anyways, that summer we decided we were only travelling for two weeks late August… Long summer months ahead of us with nothing to do, so we joined KISR training program, me and my school friend F.
Well, i have known that friend ever since i could remember, so i was pretty comfortable with her. Lets call her F. As for myself, i was, and still am, an anti social person. I have zero interest in meeting strangers and talking to them out of the blue, and i have zero tolerance for people. It takes a really really long time to know someone for me and eventually they are either crazy for me or hate me so much they turn against me.
Well anyways, so that summer in KISR was fun. Except that my overly friendly F decided to befriend all of the girls over there! She especially made friends with a group of friends from one school and they were nice people. Just couldnt see us becoming friends in the long run y3ni.
One day, it was July, and time for my birthday. I decided to throw a party since people born in July in Q8 can never really celebrate their birthdays with classmates and all family members and friends present. it really is bad for a child not to experience a birthday party in the middle of the school year. Oh well..
So, I invite people, and F says i must invite those girls from KISR. I was reluctant but she convinced me or made me or whatever. One of them shows up wearing a 7afer dress that is from the same material as the foil wrapper you use for food but even more brighter. Back then girls did not wear 7afer for birthday parties at home. y3ni for a wedding maybe but to go to a stranger girls house birthday party for the first time showing yours goods when you were 7ejab in real life was uncalled for…
Anyways, it seems that girl had soo much fun in my birthday party that, she decided she must must have a birthday party of her own in August. I did not like to go to parties in houses thrown by people i barely knoew. But i was DRAGGED to her birthday party by F who finds it a disgrace to turn peoples invitations down.
My God that was one funny party.
To start off, the house has two entrances, one is their main door which leads to the living room. and another right next to it that leads to a reception/dewaniya. and in that reception dwayniya the party was taking place!
so which door were we, and all other guests let in?!
No, not the logical choice, the other main door which goes to their living room, then walking all the way across to their dewaniya.
We enter the house, and we stop a bit in shock… thinking there must be a mistake.
The TV is on and blaring. Her older brother is sitting very comfortably in his own living room. Nothing major there. Yet, her father was, in his underware faneela (with sleeves thankfully) and either a mkasar sitting on the floor, his big karsha infront of him… he looked up breifly at us, then turned back to the tv?!
I look at F in anger, i whisper to her if she is sure today is the day or this is the HOUSE!! She nods and we are led with the dewaniya. Where only 3 other girls are there.
Apparently we were the last guests to arrive.
We chat awkwardly, we try to play games but it did not work out, it was a flop evening to be frank highlighted by the Birthday Girls little Brat of a Sister and the Exceptional Dinner…
Oh i didnt tell you about the sister?
Birthday Grils Little Brat of a Sister, or just Brat, was about 8 or 9 years old. She was a carbon copy of her older sister. and for some reason, she thought i was really really nice and pretty and she loved me right then and there *She and her sister ARE beautiful! Way out of my leauge!*. She sat between me and F on the couch,which was meant for two, looking at me in awe, wanting me to give her attention. Malaqat yahal y3ni (i hate kids, dont know how to act around them unless they are my cousins or siblings and i get to boss them around) …
Then… she decides she likes my hair. Back then i had been very faithful in hiding my true hair identity being curly. It was always ALWAY straightened. and it was done by me so it was not that great y3ni, compared to the girls silky long mane of hair… my straightened out frizzy grey-black hair looked like a kheesha!
Yet, she loved it, and she decided to run her hands all over my hair and stroked it while she is sitting beside me.
AND HER HANSD HAD HENNA ON THEM G63…
I hate henna, i hate henna smell, i loathe the color and smell of henna on peoples hands and fingers…
and i do not go near people with henna!
Let alone let a brat child of 8 year old who had a stupid crush on me of all people have her henna infected hand run through my hair in a very unexplained gesture.
Then… after me ignoring her and trying to pull away, shooting dagger like glances at F, who was laughing at me of course, the girl decides that im sooo special that she wants to show me what she brought as a birthday gift for her sister…
She finally leaves my side, i take a sigh of relief, how bad can the gift be?!
Very very bad…
As bad as a huge laptop sized real life smelly greenish TURTLE squirming in her hand and thrust in my face?!
I have a phycological fear of all animals. Even aunts and Flies. I cannot stand them. I can look at cats and parrots from a distance and say hello, but the moment they come near me i scream my head off. I never went to arth il ma3areth o bought my self a box of colored kitakeet like all other children my age. In milan i was running through the piazza infront of the duomo screaming like a maniac because a stupid bird decided he wants to see what bread i was eating on my and bu tootee outdoor table.
So to have this SCARY SLIMY TURTLE squirming in her henna hands, holding it up to my face, wanting me to hold it, made me scream and made F intervene.
Yet, you would think people would RESPECT that i was afraid of it? Nooo… she thought it was funny, and the way for me to notice her is to patronize me and taunt me with it by bringing it near me every second …
You would think anyone asked her to stop? Noooooo… scare the guest no problem. Had the driver been outside or had there been mobile phones then i would have ran out of the house back to the comfort of my bed and room.
Then after a loooong time, it was announced that it was dinner time.
So we were, me, F, three girls, birthday girl and Brat, plus her mother… 9 guests in total ok…
We are lead into the kitchen. I had stated how i dsilike kitchens? thankfuly this was not their cooking kitchen this is the kitchen Q8y people think they can pretend they have an unsmelly kitchen to live in like europeans while they keep all the smelly stuff in the outer kitchen.
On the table, there was three plates and a medium cake. and some pepsi.
One plate was a dozen, yes 12 pieces, of pizza gaysar.
One plate was another dozen of pizza gaysar.
The third place was either taboola or kubbeh. I do not eat meat and i do not eat taboola at other peoples houses.
But it was fine. If there is pizza qaysar, every thing will be ok… there is no need to steal its limelight really…
We were about to light the candles when her mom rushes in screaming…
“waiiiiiit… waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait… dont eat waiiit… ”
we were stumped, wait?!
Oh more food on the way?
Then her mother brings two plates and says … “wait don’t do antying let me first put food for your father and brother o take it to them THEN you can eat”
Awalan 3eeb 3leech ya mara inich itsaween chithee jedam il awadm. wain sarat hathee?
Madry azne6ich ya F?
Thanyan, do you see the amount of food you have spread on the table?!
Do you really THINK it will be enough for 9 people? Oh scratch that, 11 people!!?
You would think hey there are 24 pizzas and 11 persons, each can get two right? enough…
She almost took a dozen to her son and husband, took half of the kobba or the tabooleh, moving verrry slowly in the process, making us look longingly at the food but not allowed to touch it, maybe we will contaminate it if we do?! Ok why cant you act all nonchalant, pretend you are putting food for your self WHILE we take some?!!! Why announce it o make a scene?!
Do not tell me 7ram maybe they they poor. They are not poor. they are just cheap! Why couldnt she give us the party food and cook some fool or beeth o 6ma6 o bosal for her huband lying in the living room in his underware?! G63?!
Then when she had butchered half of the buffet, she proceeds on to the cake… her daughter starts whining Noooo mooooom i want to blow the candles out firrrstt and the mother wants to cut from the cake PRE-Candle Blowing and the girl almost cried a little…
Needless to say it did not take long to finish dinner. Two bites of food and we were done.
Then while we were waiting for the time to pass until it was time for the driver to pick us up, the mother takes a huge interest in me, ignoring completly all the other girls, and the whole party turned into a one on one questioning about my family. She learned who my mother was, said she knew two women who are “Banat Khal Yaddi Obo Ommy” -cousing of my maternal granfather- … and she said oooh now u tell meee… and i was thinking who do you remind me oofff? you look like them! I have never met the women before but my mother says that woman must be crazy cause there is no resemblance whatsover between those woman and me!!!
Then the mother finally goes away. a few peacful dull moments pass while i whisper to F about what lesson im going to teach her for life. When the mother comes back again…
Mother: Excuse me, but i had to lower the temprature a bit, is that ok for you?
Daddy’s Girl: Yes sure khalty.
Mother: Yeah i had to, you know my mother is an old lady who lives with us, and she is in the next room, cold temrpatures are not good for her.
Daddy’s Girl: Ee khalty it’s ok? 3adi!
Mother: Well you see, the cold made her cough and spit a lot of *i tuned out in disgust there… i did not NEED TO HEAR THAT… MY GOD U VULGAR WOMAN… why can’t you turn off the AC without my permission y3ni*
The moment the driver was there, i was out of the house like a flash, thankfully mr. karsha o sal3a o wezar was not sitting on the floor when we left.
and F was taught a valuable lesson that day…
*P.S. by the way, F, my life long best friend and i, who had known me throughout all chidlhood and teenage days, haven’t talked in almost ten years. I will post about it one day… i wonder if she still remember that day, or did she just block it out of her mind like i did until yesterday?